


You Got "Hot" and You Want to be Not

by 1PB2PB3PB4



Series: Because screw Grundy- or rather, don't [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grundy was a right real piece of work, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, POV Second Person, because Grundy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1PB2PB3PB4/pseuds/1PB2PB3PB4
Summary: "You got "hot" over the summer.Archie's thinking over his "relationship" with Grundy and trying to deal with the end of it, badly.





	You Got "Hot" and You Want to be Not

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own, thank you so much to unclebughead(unclemoriarty) for spell/grammar checking this for me.
> 
> There are a couple of swear words, and as mentioned in the tags there is some implied self harm etc. but it's not extreme. Regardless if that makes you uncomfortable don't read.
> 
> Wrote this because really, Grundy just got swept over in the show

You got "hot" over the summer. That's what all the girls were whispering and giggling as you walked down the halls, you heard Kevin mention it too. You hadn't realised- sure you knew you had filled out some, gained some muscle- but you assumed it was just puberty, and some manual labour; you didn't think anyone would really notice, it didn't seem important. You wish it hadn't happened, you wish you hadn't helped out at your dad's firm, you wish, you wish...

_She _liked it. You saw her eying you when she stopped you in her car, but you thought you were wrong. She was a teacher and you knew she wouldn't do that, not to a student, and anyway, you still view yourself as the scrawny kid before the summer.__

__It's fun at first. Kind of? You know you shouldn't do it, and that it's wrong, but it feels good and Miss Grundy "call me Geraldine" promises to help you with your music. She says you've got promise and talent. A way out of Riverdale and your dad's company- and you can follow your dreams at the same time. You know you shouldn't do this- but she's _helping _you right? She's thinking of your best interests here.___ _

____Then comes July 4th. You hear the gunshot and you ditch Jughead. But she'd promised to help you with your music after a little present from her to celebrate the day. You think you'd prefer to celebrate like you used to with Jughead, watching ridiculously patrotic films as he made snide comments. You don't mention this though, you want her to help you, her generosity, so you know you can't protest. Also Geraldine doesn't like Jughead. She thinks he's a bad influence and will wind up in trouble. Apparently Juggie spends too much time with you and must be using you for something. She says you should avoid Jughead. You don't think she's right... But you decide not to mention Juggie to her anymore. You spin some ridiculous story to Jughead about why you can't make it and Geraldine tells you that your last song was almost perfect. Then the gunshot goes off and you're both interrupted._ _ _ _

____It seems your new muscles didn't only get you girls. Coach offers you a place on the varsity team. You want to say yes, but music's your real passion and you want to focus on that. You tell coach a lie, and another to your father. You're getting good at lying and you hate it. You hate using people as convenient excuses too: Veronica for Betty, coach for dad, dad for coach. You can't lie to Jughead so you just avoid him where you can, but even though you know Grundy won't like it you seek him out eventually anyway. You don't care as much what she thinks anymore- she's starting to avoid you. You try to bring the lying up with Geraldine- "Miss Grundy Archie! We're at school!"- get her to allow you to tell someone about the gunshot, about the fact you may have witnessed a murder, but she tells you you can't. Fears, threats about prison are whispered, and you can't help but think that it doesn't seem right. Part of your mind is saying that she's lying to save her own skin- but it sounds suspiciously like Jughead who was always too pessimistic so you ignore it. You're starting to feel trapped though, and it's grating how everyone keeps commenting on how you got "hot"._ _ _ _

____When Juggie tells you that he knows, first you think your heart might stop in fear. Then you think it might burst in relief at no longer having to lie, before terror seizes it again at the thought of your dad knowing. Jughead is horrified and dredges up all your doubts and holds them in front of you. Some of you knows he's right, but the other part knows that if Geraldine goes, so will your path of music. You're being forced into football right now and you can't deal with being forced to stop music. You threaten him, feeling slightly sick and unable to carry through with it when he calls you out on it. He leaves after a parting shot of how you ought to do the right thing. It hurts because you _know _but you _can't _tell anyone. There'll be consequences and maybe jail, and so many questions. Still you think about it all night and decide to go to Weatherbee in the morning anyway. You aren't sure whether you're grateful or betrayed and hurt that Jughead kept his mouth shut. _Now _you certainly wish he'd told._______ _ _ _

__________You tell your dad your fighting with Jughead is over a girl; you like it because it's true, and it makes you feel like a better person, and as if you could talk this out with your dad. You don't tell him the important details of the situation, he wouldn't understand. He'd try to split you up, from Miss Grundy, from music. You ignore the voice that tells you that Miss Grundy isn't good for you. She's still sticking by you when all your relationships with your friends are strained. You firmly ignore the fact that she may be the cause._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And then it ends. Just as you were going to stop on your own terms you got caught. You're secretly glad. Betty's mum had ensured Miss Grundy- Gibson- would leave town, and you would be away from her looks and her eyes. You're not sure if your gift would have been enough to keep her away. It hits you on the drive home, as your father doesn't say a word, how stupid you had been. You'd agreed to have sex with a teacher- for music; and if Jughead's right, the she was lying-hah, what a suprise- and you're not, nor will you ever be it seems, any good at music. You decide you're going to change things now. Improve. You want to start with all the comments about your new physique._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Working construction made you hungry, so you ate more and gained muscle. You stop eating much now, hoping that the switch in diet will help to remove the muscle, reverse the progress. You want to be small and scrawny again, easily unnoticed. You stop your music too. You still play the guitar and one or two songs you've written, ones that aren't about _her _, but you don't write anything new. You throw yourself into football, because football's safe and hasn't been tainted by the whole sordid affair. You can't really stand to be around the others right now. Veronica and Kevin because they seem to think it was exciting and fun and- ... And you don't want to have to talk or think about it in a postive way right now. Betty because she told her mum about the whole thing, Jughead because he stuck to his promise and didn't tell your dad.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________You stay alone in your room hitting your punching bag until your knuckles split, wondering if the parts of you that are screwed up will ooze out too. You hit the bag again and again with hits you long to aim at yourself. You hit the bag as punishment for not saying no, for not pressing that you really would've preferred to watch movies or just talk about music instead of- you wish you had gone on that roadtrip with Juggie, which would have been a much better gift for you fourth of July. You can't keep hitting the bag now, it's gone all slick and slippery. You turn your fist around so it's posied, ready and in line with your eye. You don't carry through in the end because you can't explain it to your dad. It would hurt him too much._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Juggie picks up on the not eating, shooting you confused and concerned looks as you pass him his promised burger at Pop's without getting anything for yourself. You've just come from football, and you have your kit in a sweaty smelly pile at your feet. You wish you could take the stench from inside you away as easily. He casts a glance at your hands, reddened and purpled, swollen slightly along the knuckles as if he's never seen them before even though they've been like this for weeks, you think that these are a better and more representitive window to your soul than your eyes... Then you remember that you've been wearing fingerless gloves at school but you forgot to put them on after you showered. He breaks the burger in half and shoves it towards you, command clear. You ignore it though. You still have too much muscle. The girls still shoot you glances in the hallway. You only want to eat the bare minimum, to function, to keep your dad off your back. You want to burn off the muscle, even though coach is telling you your performance is slacking, you're getting tackled more easily now because you're always already lightheaded and dizzy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Jughead is clearly not pleased that you're still not eating.  
"Eat it. You just had freaking football practice, you need it, so eat it. Unless of course you don't want to. In which case Grundy fucked you up big time, or maybe that was just how she fucked you. The whole loner-self destructive thing really isn't you. Fucking up your hands isn't going to help you, or your music. Like you know this is all her right? Seperating you from your friends, pushing you down the path of self destruction as a final parting shot from the craptastic paedo. Starving yourself and isolating yourself, and screwing yourself over regarding your dreams is not helping anyone. Look, yeah I get she messed you up, but Archie, you can't keep doing this. You need help, 'cause I don't think you're going to be stopping yourself anytime soon- unless you wind up dead." You see Jughead pause for a minute, assesing how you've taken his vent. You're blank though, mostly focusing on Juggie calling her a paedo and wanting to deny it, but struggling to find it within you, while also being angry at his assessment of your behaviour while knowing he's right.  
"Archie, we're going to go back to your house, and we're going to have an important conversation with your dad. Because you evidently didn't learn from last time and haven't told him you've got a problem, or you wouldn't be wearing gloves at school. Thing is, I did learn from that last colossal screw up. I'm not keeping things from your dad for "your own good" anymore. Especially when it's really not- I'm actually going to help you this time. Let's go."  
You feel panicked when he mentions telling your dad. Much like you did when he confronted you about Grundy. But you agree with him. You haven't forgiven him for not intervening with your dad last time, but maybe he can make up for it by explaining what the something that is very, very, wrong now is._ _ _ _ _ _

____________Your dad hugs you, and cries, and says, "Therapy. I don't care what you say this time." You have a vague recollection of refusing straight after you got caught. Some of the first things said to break the silence in the car. You had refused, you think, because you were working on your own plan. Your dad is leaving you no choice now, so you nod your head. Jughead goes off to the kitchen to give you more privacy. You tell your dad you think there is something off with Jughead too, he always seems more tired now, actually tired not just lazy. He gives you a small smile and promises he'll speak with Juggie. You're glad, and you know it's selfish, but it's good to have some of the focus off you. You are worried though, and it'll be good if your dad can help. When you should have. When you were off with Grundy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________You got "hot" over the summer, and you wish you hadn't. But that doesn't mean you can or should slip back into obscurity. You just hope Jughead isn't trying to slip away too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
